Let's Talk STRAIGHT!

I have to admit that suddenly I feel engulfed in this DOWNELINK thingie. This is just like friendster! An online community for gays and lesbians only (www.downelink.com). By merely looking at the pictures of the guys in my friend's list and in my friends' friends' list, I just couldn't help but ask myself where in the bloody world did this people come from? It's true that pictures may be deceiving and I'm one of the persons who really doesn't give a damn on how hottie or how buff a guy is but I have to tell you this, that they are worth to titillate about. It's good also to read through their profile and realize that not most of them are for "gung-ho" purposes only.

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Anyway, today is Monday and I feel straight! I feel like a straight gurl! Wahaha . . . . No pun intended and I feel like I am going straight to hell in a few days. Something is bothering me. I love my work, my work loves me but sometimes, my alter-ego comes kicking in, which starts to take over my mind and my body. I do not need to hide it, apparently it is quite obvious, I'm demented, crazy, insane, demented! I feel like I am Roberto, Umberto Eco's protagonist in The Island of the Day Before. My life is like the Daphne, I'm shipwrecked in a god-forsaken ship, I couldn't go anywhere because I do not know how to swim, never to reach the paradise of an island just miles away and amidst the dilemma of these, I'm scared to hell of Ferrante, my non-existent brother born upon the wildness of my imagination! Yes! I feel I am Roberto.

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Straight! Straight! Straight! I am beginning to fall in love with a straight guy! Darn! (I wonder if that is the reason why I feel like a straight gurrrl today?) I would have to cover his identity under the pet name "Daddah". I do not know how to describe him because I may not be worthy to do such for a godly human being. Well, Daddah is humongous! As in Huge. He stands like 6 foot and a little less built for his size. Okay! Okay! He's kinda chubby but it is just well proportioned to his height and all. His voice resembles of Geoff Eigenman's husky semi-post-stroked-like voice.

When I see him, I think of him as a teddy bear. A huge, cuddly teddy bear. And he's sweet as hell!

Why?

Christmas! He gave me this parker pen, customized, with my nickname engraved on the tip. In the office I'm the only gal who received a gift from him.

January!

I found a powerbooks bag on my table. A note was attached:

"Hi, I saw from friendster that you like Fyodor Dostoevsky, well here's my favorite book of his: The Possessed"

I shriveled as if possessed; I did not react and let my stimulated femininity explode discreetly. I have to go out of the office and hyperventilate without anybody seeing.

I do not want to misinterpret his good will but I can't help but asking why?!?!?!

I am not actually longing for anything more than a kolehiyala-kilig-bolts every now and then. And now this!? Why?

My friends tell me that he is just doing that to make friends with me, and his actions mean nothing more than that because he is a straight guy. (By, the way, I forgot to tell you that he has a girlfriend). Straight or not straight! I don't care.

I would have to end this with a question that has been a prevalent dilemma in all of gay history:

"Would a straight guy fall in love with a gay guy?"

God! Give me strength.

Ciao!